so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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