i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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