Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
