where does the pee come out of this thing
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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