You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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