omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
