Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
