I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
