cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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