I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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