My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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