You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
