Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
