I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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