Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
