I love black thongs
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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