I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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