Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
