I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
