hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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