how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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