He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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