I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
