Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
