I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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