Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My liver just had a heart attack.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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