her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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