Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
there is glitter all over my balls
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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