He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I need moral support for this bender
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
