he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
