There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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