Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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