How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
