Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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