The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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