does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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