I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
