Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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