Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
