I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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