I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I did not marry a roomba.
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