i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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