Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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