Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
