Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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