im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
