So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
