and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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