I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
