In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
