he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
