Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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