Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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