I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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