Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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