I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
where are you?
Hypothermia
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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