how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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