She said her name was "party"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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