a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
