He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
