you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
