Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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