you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
