Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
