she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
