I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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