i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
