It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
