After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
